


I Mend The Heart With Practice (I Understand)

by plantFace024



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: :/, F/F, I know I said the next one would be fluff, I lied, Lizzie is heartbroken, Optimistic ending tho, PENELOPE AND LIZZIE BROTP 4 LYFE, So is Penelope, This fic is literally so sad, also, i have depression and I don't even know, i think, sorry - Freeform, tw depression?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 16:52:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantFace024/pseuds/plantFace024
Summary: Lizzie Saltzman just wants a Hope Mikaelson love. She knows she can't have it.She loves her sister too much to go after Hope.She loves Hope too much to go after Hope.The wedding is set for January.





	I Mend The Heart With Practice (I Understand)

**Author's Note:**

> Whadup, i'm back, and im still sad. That never changes. If you read this and ur like "Who hurt you?" I literally don't know, enjoy the story anyway, im workin on a lot of stuff :) (The title is from Jack Stauber's "I Understand." Gives me mad vibes.) and I don't own any of these characters so dont sue me that would suck ass.

Hope and Josie decide to have a winter wedding. January eighth to be exact.

  
Normally Lizzie would love the winter. The powdery snow, falling softly upon the white covered ground. The hot chocolate, the eggnog, the Christmas lights, the pine trees. She would love all of it.

  
But not this year.

  
Or any year after that.

  
The wedding is so beautiful. It's cold, but they have a striking venue, and the wedding arch is covered by a glass overhang.

  
Josie and Hope look so in love.

  
Lizzie is lost.

Lizzie realized she was in love with hope about half a year before Josie got with her. They were out for lunch, and Josie asked if Hope could tag along. How could she refuse? Hope was magnetic, and when she saw the look on Josie’s face when Hope walked through the diner doors, she knew that Josie agreed.

  
~

  
“I’m in love with Hope.”

  
_Damn._

  
She saw it coming, but it still hit Lizzie like a train. She could feel every ounce of hurt seep into her veins as the seconds passed. The confirmation only made it worse.

  
“I’m so happy for you! Tell me about her!”

She wasn’t. She didn’t want to know.

  
“You’ve been friends for years, Lizzie.”

  
“Not like that, tell me about your feelings about her, duh!”

  
Josie giggles.

  
She _giggles._

  
“She’s incredible. She’s just, ugh, she’s so great I don’t even know how to explain it! She’s warm I guess. Strong too, but soft at the same time, you know?”

  
Oh, she knew.

  
“Her lips are… really nice. So that helps too.”

  
Josie says it with a blush and a smile, and Lizzie couldn’t help but agree.

  
“I have to go to the bathroom.”

  
Lizzie let herself dwell on it for a while after that. Hope Mikaelson deserved a Josie Saltzman. Not a Lizzie Saltzman. Josie deserved a Hope Mikaelson. Not a Penelope Park. They both knew it. Day by day she let herself get crushed.

  
_Maybe if she had been faster. Maybe if she had gotten Hope to love her back before Josie came along._

  
She could feel it building. She didn’t get there fast enough. She didn’t win the race for her happy ending, and now, if she goes after Hope, it will be the end of Josie.

  
~

  
_“And Lizzie always wins.”_

  
The words from her past rang in her ears as the weeks went by. Guilty, and ever selfless for her sister, Lizzie stayed silent, and in pain.

  
She finally let herself break when they got together. She longed for the strong, loving arms of Hope Mikaelson. She wanted soft words whispered into her ears as she cried. She wanted to feel loved. She got none of it. Tears stained her cheeks, and no one was there to wipe them away.

  
Josie was confused when Lizzie didn’t immediately demand the role of wedding planner after hope proposed. She finally questioned her after Lizzie hadn’t come out of her apartment for a week and a half. Lizzie claimed she had come down with a cold. She could tell Josie was hesitant to leave her be, but with a convincing cough, and one real coincidental sneeze, Josie left.

  
Now here she was, standing behind Josie soon-to-be Mikaelson, locking eyes with none other than Penelope Park, who was standing behind Hope. As Hope’s childhood best friend, and one of the only contenders for the job, was unspokenly required to be a bridesmaid. Even if she was Josie’s first love. Not to mention the only one who would ever understand what Lizzie was going through.

  
Josie was dressed in the most gorgeous white gown. It was laced with a design around the collar and wasn’t fluffy. It draped down elegantly around Josie’s frame. When Josie presented it to Lizzie, with a twirl and a smile that could light up the universe, Lizzie couldn't hold back a smile. A weak, and shaky smile, but a smile nonetheless. Josie was too distracted to notice Lizzie’s poorly put together happy-facade. Josie looked absolutely stunning.

  
Lizzie, still looking at Penelope in a quiet understanding, saw that she thought so too. Penelope looked back at Josie. She held back tears in what was clearly well-practiced silent heartache. Returning her gaze to Lizzie, she gave a small nod. Lizzie returned it.

  
~

  
Hope and Josie kissed. Officially wives. Penelope didn’t look. She couldn’t bear to. Lizzie couldn’t tear her eyes away. She was on the brink of an explosion. One her worst, she could tell. She wasn’t as good as hiding as Penelope, as sad as that was for both of them.

  
She didn't let the tears fall. She didn’t run away. She didn’t cause a scene. This was her sister's wedding day. And Josie was happy. And Lizzie was happy that Josie was happy, but she was devastated for so many other reasons.

  
Josie and Hope held hands, smiling at each other as they walked back down the aisle. As the crowd of friends and family applauded, Lizzie absentmindedly put her hands together, clapping in a lazy, distant haze.

  
She thought about what it would have been like. If only her and Penelope had gotten what they had always wanted. If this wedding was Hope and hers. If Penelope and Josie had a wedding of their own. Would Hope be as happy with her as she was with Josie? Would Josie be as happy with Penelope? Her heart wanted to think yes, but her brain knew better.

  
She was a bitch. Not to mention a bitch with mental health issues. Penelope was selfish, and obnoxious, and evil. In the end, Lizzie and Penelope knew their girls were too good for them, so they looked back to each other in solidarity. All of the unspoken feelings shared between the two revealed in glossy eyes, ready to spill over.

  
The second they entered the venue, she doesn’t wait for the happy couple to show before she kicks the bathroom door open, magic from earlier that day sealing the door into a soundproof retreat. She screams, but it doesn’t do much. Pieces of the sinks are already flying into cubicles, tearing off of the wall from their even row. Doors flew off their hinges to the other side of the bathroom.

  
When she breathes in, she sees herself in the mirrors. Within a second, they’re all broken, shattered under her gaze. And then Lizzie is off again. It takes her a few moments, but when she finally does calm down, she’s crying. She’s finished fighting, the magic drained from her system anyway.

  
She drifts to the back of the bathroom, sinking down against the wall, arms pulled up around her dress covered legs. That's how Penelope finds her. Lizzie realizes she had unsealed the room, just for a moment before entering and sealing it back up. She moves some rubble beside Lizzie, and crouches down beside her, tears sliding down her own cheeks, and pulls Lizzie into herself,

  
“I know. I know. It’s gonna be okay for us.”

  
Penelope doesn’t really know if that's true, but when Lizzie is sobbing so loudly into her shoulder, she can’t exactly tell her that it’s not going to be. Lizzie realizes that Penelope isn’t making any noise when she cries, even though shudders are rocking her body so hard it’s shaking her too.

  
It settles with her that Penelope has been through so much from what Josie told her, and thinking about all the heartbreak added onto that only makes her sob harder. All the convincing it took to convince her caring sister, and best friend that she’s okay has to have taken everything out of her. All of the sadness that had to go unnoticed in the background? Penelope Park is not as selfish as the thought.

  
The sobs eventually stop, and when Lizzie checks her phone, Penelope tells her that it had been close to thirty minutes. Penelope stands up and reaches her hand out to Lizzie. She takes it. They help each other out with a few spells for blotchy faces, messed up hair or clothes, and an absolutely destroyed bathroom.

  
“It’s okay. you got through the stages faster than I did at least.”

  
“Stages?”

  
Penelope looks at her like it's obvious. With a sad smile, she informs Lizzie,

  
“Stage one is anger. You have to take it out on something, it kind of feels like your feeling everything at once, but I just sum it up to anger, The other feelings take part in the other stages.”

  
“This is ridiculous.”

“Oh, one hundred percent. But once I figured out the stages, I also figured out how to handle them better too.”

  
She had a point. She could figure out better ways to cope with the supposed anger stage than trashing the bathroom at her sister's wedding.

  
“Okay then, whats stage two?”

  
“Sadness.”

  
_Well no shit._

  
“Doesn’t that go hand and hand with anger?”

  
“It should, but it’s easier to identify if you separate them. You see, the sadness is what I just witnessed. Sobbing in a little ball on the floor? There are better ways to be sad. It’s a repetitive process-”

  
“IT’S REPETITIVE?”

  
“Yes, now let me finish. It’s repetitive, so you have to learn better coping mechanisms than crying in ball form.”

  
“Geez. I’m exhausted”

  
“That leads us to stage three, the last stage. Numbness and exhaustion. These two do go hand and hand. You’ll want nothing but sleep. Sometimes you won't eat, or shower, or leave the house. Sometimes you will cry, but you should just let that happen. It’s better than holding in, but it’s not the same for everyone.”

  
“Jesus, you’re so sad… and wise. How did you get that wise?”

  
“I’ve been going to therapy for a very long time.”

  
Lizzie let out a long, tired sigh.

  
“This is so fucked up.”

  
"Welcome to your new norm for a while.”

  
Penelope opened her arms with the billionth sad smile that afternoon, and let Lizzie in. She didn’t cry this time. She just took the nice, long hug and let Penelope comfort her.

  
“We should get back out there.”

  
Lizzie didn’t say anything. She just parted from Penelope and took one last look at the freshly renewed bathroom.

  
~

  
When she got to her designated dinner table, she felt so much better. A weight lifted off of her shoulders. The newlyweds approached both of both Penelope and Lizzie with concern.

  
“Hey, we were looking for you when we came in! What happened?”

  
“Lizzie had stomach troubles, so we were in the bathroom for a while. She’s all good though, right, Lizzie?”

  
_Damn, she’s good at this._

  
“Yeah, I feel so much better.”

  
And for once it wasn’t a lie. The food was extravagant. Though she felt pain watching Hope and Josie feed each other wedding cake looking oh-so-smitten, she looked to Penelope, who was sporting yet another one of her “Penelope’s famous sad smiles.” Lizzie knew she wasn’t alone anymore.

  
~

  
She was preparing for a long, grueling journey. One where she didn’t know if she would ever get over hope. One where she didn’t know what would become of herself. But she was looking forward to working it out. She remembered the stages and took an interest in new things.

  
She took out her anger with a good workout or a fun paintball game with Penelope. She sorted out her sadness with her new therapist, or some ice cream, and old movies. She got over her numbness phase with exercises.

  
“Watch a funny movie. Or a sad documentary. Or walk around on the grass barefoot. Drink an energy drink. Maybe it will help you regain your feelings, and your energy.”

  
Her therapist was exceptionally helpful. And this was easier said than done, but whenever times got hard, she found a best friend in Penelope. She had her dad too. And her mom. And even her sister, who she obviously couldn’t approach with Hope problems, but they still loved each other, and could work through different things together.

  
So yeah. Things are bumpy, but Lizzie’s doing okay.

  
_Yeah._

  
_Lizzie’s going to be just fine._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry. at least the ending was... kinda nice? Hey, at least nobody dies this time. leave a comment and a kudos if u want. If you ever want another sad fic, im ur bitch, so leave suggestion if you want :) I love you, drink some water and eat sumthin. see ya.


End file.
